My life is in a fish bowl

My life will never be the same after this week.  I am at that point in my life when my children are ceasing to be children and are becoming adults.  I am having to sit back and learn a new roll.  I have spent 19 years being a "mom" first and foremost every day of my life.  I've prepared meals, changed diapers, cleaned house and washed clothes.  I've played cars, built sand castles, gone on imaginary trips, made swords and forts and play doh.  I've been to little league, rocket football, boy scouts and any number of holiday parties at school.  Now my little boys have both reached major milestones in their lives this week.  My oldest enlisted into the US Marine Corps.  My youngest played his last game of football after 10 years.  I am learning the new roll of "mom".  This week I have learned that no matter what, I will always be their mom and they will need me.  It's the type of need that changes.  They don't need me to prepare their meals anymore or do their laundry.  They need me to be their rock and soft place to land.  They are both great young men and I am proud to be their mom!
As my week has progressed I have found myself in a fish bowl.  Everyone is watching me.  Waiting for the mommy melt down.  My friends and family have been so kind in checking in with me to see if I'm ok with these changes and passages into their new phases of life.  But...I feel like I'm a fish in a bowl with the world watching and waiting for something that I haven't been able to put into words.  It is going to be a new adventure every day.  Next year my youngest goes off to college and the oldest will be off with the Marines.  I have to learn a whole new me.
One day at a time until I master this new role.  Wish me luck!

Some of my favorite places

The other night I was over at the high school football field running on the track.  As I ran I did a little people watching.  I watched as one of our local football players had his senior pictures taken at the field.  I watched as a few other familiar faces did their work outs on the track.  As I watched these normal every day activities I thought to myself.  "This is one of my favorite places in the world".  I smiled to myself and felt a contentment that can't manufactured.  It's not fancy like Eiffel Tower or anything like that.  It's our football field where I have spent time watching my boys play football from the time they started rocket ball at 8 years old to this year when the youngest will graduate.  I've worked out on the track.  I've met great friends there.  It's no different than any other high school football field and track.  It's one of my favorite places in the world.

The Olden Days

Walk down an old main street.  Look beyond the age, wear and tear, dirt, weather, disrepair of the buildings and look for the day of it's glory.  Picture the people who walked the sidewalks you walk.  Envision the dirt or brick roads.  When you go into the stores that line an old town main street there are still the creaky wooden floors, some still have the tin ceiling.  What was this shop when it was first built?  Who lived in the apartment above?  What must life have been like for those who lived in and around the town.  People like my grandparents walked those streets in their youth.  They lived on the farms that skirted small town USA. 

I talk to my grandparents about the olden days.  My Grandma was born in 1921 she will be 93 in January and my Grandpa in 1916, he will be 97 in November.  They were farm kids.  My grandpa was a fortunate boy and able to go to school and graduate from high school.  My grandma has always been so proud of the fact that she was able to go to school through the 8th grade.  How times have changed.  These days Grandma remembers more of her youth then she does last week.  She talks about playing dolls with her sisters at the old farm house.  Even at 92 years old I can see the young girl in her face when she remembers something or she looks at a picture of her and my Grandpa that hangs on the wall.  There is still an innocent girl that has never left her face.  She has the sweetest smile.  My Grandpa was in WWII, he worked for years in a boat factory and is the epitome of a man of his era.  He didn't cook or clean.  He is the man of the house.  He's frustrated that his body is old and his mind is 30.   He talks about time as a young man.  The jokes and pranks that he and his brothers would play on his sister.  Both Grandma and  Grandpa affectionately remember something "mother" use to do.  Whenever they tell stories about their mothers I can see them as young children.  The years wash away from their faces.  I am so blessed to still have them both and try to soak up the olden days every time I see them.  This month they will celebrate 71 years of marriage.

Playing Hooky

When is the last time you played hooky?  When I think of playing hooky it reminds me of my carefree youth when all I had to worry about was me.  I may have played hooky from college or work a couple of times during those younger years.  I recently played hooky from work.  It wasn't a truly defined hooky day since I asked the bosses for the day off and used vacation but it was as free as any hooky day I've ever had.  The day was one of the last nice days in fall before the weather would be too unreliable for such a grand adventure.  I went to a small lakeshore town.  Searched an antique store and wandered the small shops on Main Street.  I spent the day with a friend who was many miles away from me.  It was a fabulous time.  We chatted about nothing.  We were physically miles apart but the joy of the smart phone allowed me to spend a fabulous day with a great friend.  Towards the end of my day my friend had to leave me and I took my adventure to the beach.  I can never feel alone at the water's edge.  There is something so incredibly inspirational about the power of the big lake.  There's such an unharnessed power and at the same time a calming power that brings my soul back home whenever I'm out of sorts.  The world outside can take it's toll and send me off center sometimes but the water's edge can bring me back to center right away.  I think my soul was born to be near water.  A large or small body of water, it doesn't matter.  My soul is connected to the ebb and flow of water.  The breeze in my face takes away all stresses that life can weigh me down with.  I feel like a young carefree child    

Sprinkle a little sugar on it

At what point does to much sugar become unpalatable?  A bread maker, pie maker, cake, cookie and candy maker use different measurements of sugar in their recipes.  To much sugar in any of these recipes will ruin it or turn it into something it's not meant to be.
I'm a bread maker who's been asked to add more sugar.  Sometimes I don't add the right amount of sugar or forget it all together making a bad bread.  I will remember to always add the right amount of sugar and sometimes make muffins.  But not to many muffins.  To many muffins will ruin the palate and then more and more sweets are needed to satisfy.  I'm not a cake, cookie and candy maker.  Adding the measurements used to make cakes, cookies or candy to my bread recipe will ruin it all.  Even the sweetest of them all, the candy maker, can ruin a recipe by adding to much sugar.  The sugar will consume all the other ingredients making it no longer the special ingredient it is.  Each of us needs to know what we are and measure out the right amount of sugar accordingly.